Raising the bar.

Looking at professional movies - movies by established, brilliant film makers that have been around a long time, I can see I have an awfully long way to go before I'll be making something I can say I'm proud of. There's a LOT of effort that goes into making good films, right from the writing of the script, through the bringing together of the crew and cast, editing, post production and everything else.

It's daft, really, for me to think "I" can make a film. I can't. And this does bring up big things for me with regard to being a team player, which I can honestly say I'm not and never have been. Making a film is a bit of a fantasy for me, really. I know I want to see SOMETHING up on a screen that's come out of MY imagination, but the truth is that won't happen just with me doing it. All I'll be able to do is make the little things I've been doing so far but a bit better, that's all. Maybe I'll put more time and thought into them, and maybe they'll be more watchable than they are now (more effort and time is bound to do that) but they'll still be little quirky efforts at best.

So how do I get around this, I wonder? Do I collaborate with someone, to make this thing I want to make?

Then again, what DO I want to make? I know that the moment I get something clear in my imagination I can do it - imagination leads to the final product, of course. And I know that when I can see something I want to do, and can envisage how to do it, it gets done.

But there's a difference between making a two minute YouTube clip where I look into a camera, spend a few hours editing it, and post it to YouTube. I know I want that instant feeling of achievement and success, and to see that finished product.

Perhaps it's part of the process of learning the business of manifesting something bigger. As my "creation muscle" grows, so will the quality of what I do, the length of the piece, its sophistication and so forth. Of course, I want to get beyond the amateurish nature of what I've been doing and make something really, really good. We all do.

So what's the next step? How do I "raise the bar" and make something a bit more "intermediate"?

I have some projects that could be described as a bit more intermediate. I have a couple of documentaries on the go now - one about local sculptor Bobby Pearl, one about "Real Men", and one I'm starting about a friend, Paul, and his son, Keven, who has Hunter Syndrome, a rare and fatal disease.

These will teach me something more about working on a longer project, finding some kind of rhythm and style, and keeping momentum up on a bigger project.

Of course, the complex elements of a full feature film aren't there, and neither is a script, lighting, crew, soundtrack, or much of the stuff that goes into a "proper" film, but I think it's a fairly good intermediate stage to be at now.

As long as I can keep back the demands from my inner, noisy critics that what I'm doing is still way less than what I should be doing "at my age" I'll be content with my efforts.

But I do need to raise the bar now.